Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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