He asked to "fluff my boner.."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
