my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
