Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
