Screwed.edu
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
