You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
