She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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