Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
