Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
