You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
