Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
