i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
