My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
