WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
