What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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