Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
