I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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