I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
