Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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