Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
