Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
