Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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