I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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