i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
