WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
