yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
