Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
