Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
