nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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