Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No subtext here. People are naked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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