my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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