is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
