I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
zippers are such a cool invention
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
