o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
