Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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