I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
