What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
