If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
