I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
