Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
