you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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