I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
