Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
