No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize