the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
