Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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