I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
