captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
