i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
