Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
