Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i've created a new STD.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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