I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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