I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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