i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
