The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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