Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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