I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize