Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude. I can hear the air.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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