Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize