Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize