There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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