do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
