Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize