And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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