who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
