This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
