i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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