I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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