Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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