I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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