Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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