I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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