I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize