I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
